Weight Weight Go Away!!! (don't even bother coming back!)

I am so irritated with my weight lately. Yes I know I had a baby 5 months ago, yes, I know I am breastfeeding so I have to be careful about calories etc, BUT dammit I am tired of seeing these numbers on my scale!!!!! It has now been about 2 1/2 years since I was hovering around 150. I didn't like it but you know what? I could deal with it. I fit into most of my clothes good, looked decent, and felt decent. But now that I am over 20lbs heavier I am so sad and frustrated with me and my waistline.

I gained 20lbs when I got thrown into all of my dark ages (I think I will call them that from now on. from about Nov 2007 till last year Sept 2009). AND it won't budge!!! I did so well while I was pregnant. I had only gained about 12 lbs the whole time!! Katelynn was fine and it wasn't intentional, that was just how it happened. Then I had her and low and behold I was down to 162. Pretty respectable for just having a baby and a csection. Now here 5 months later I have gained all of that back and then 6lbs!!! WHERE is the justice in that? Now if I hadn't been doing anything, eating all I wanted, no excersize maybe it would make sense. BUT I was doing my treadmill everyday almost, Jillian Michaels shred program, and other stuff along with trying to figure out my Caloric needs for breastfeeding.

So then onto December. Ah the family, the food, the stress. I thought I did pretty well with keeping myself in check but the scale keeps saying otherwise. WHY are you out to get me? I want to at least get back to what I was before my dark ages. So now my high that I had after about a month postpartum is going away. It is in fact, gone. And now I am starting to notice that I am beating myself up about it. I just want to be able to fit into my clothes and feel good about myself.

So today, Feb. 15, 2010, I am renewing my vow to get it gone. So I am looking forward to spring to get here. I have a brand new bicycle that I got from a loving jeremy last year for my birthday that I have only rode about 4 times. (I found out shortly after that that I was expecting Kate). I am ready to ride with my kids and walk and quit being so dang depressed about winter!!! It really messes with my mood. Oh well maybe someday we will move somewhere where it is warm most of the time!!