Great Expectations

I have come to the conclusion that I am putting too many expectations on people and their ability to not hurt me. Unfortunately, there are many flaws with this scenario. Everyone has their own agenda, everyone has their own plans, and everyone has their own demons. I hate feeling hurt and it is taking me a long time to get where I am. I am no where near done healing and I am no where close to perfect. I am just me. I mess up, I do good, I hurt people even though I try my hardest not to, I am trying to be the best wife and mother that I can be.

This past week was very emotional for me. I got to reconnect with a very good friend. We haven't been able to spend much time together for a while again because of hurts. I hurt her and she hurt me and it sucks. But we are still friends and we will be that way forever. It is kind of the ebb and flow of true friendships. I cried leaving her house. Why? I am not 100% sure. It was a happy/sad/longing/reminiscent cry. I miss the days before my life got screwy. I miss the Friday night dinners that we always did. Then I got divorced and things got messy.

I also got to stay with my best friend for a few days while I was back in the old homestate. I miss her as much as I miss my son. It is hard going from seeing her every day (almost) to every couple months.

Friendships are so weird. I have some of the most diverse friendships of anyone I know. I only have a handful of friends that are my age. My 3 best friends are 27, 31, and 41. I also have become very close with a 49 year old and a 66 year old. These friendships have been part of shaping me into who I am today and have been crucial to my life as it were. I have had and lost other friendships that I thought would be forever. Even one of my best friend's friendship may be lost beyond repair.

I have lost friendships for some of the most stupid reasons and some reasons I don't even know why. But the one that puzzles me most is someone who I reconnected with many years ago who I thought I would never see again. Then fate brought us back together. Then again shit got messy. I hit the WORST spot in my life and I HAD to get the hell out of my hometown before I went crazy. And unfortunately I tried to keep her but it didn't work. And she hasn't spoken to me since. And there are so many days that it haunts me. I honestly thought that we would be friends until the end. one of my longest friendships destroyed.

Because of this (in part) I have become very cynical. BUT I do still believe that people are put into your life for a reason. I have met someone who I instantly clicked with. She is quickly becoming very important person in my life. She reminds me a lot of my mom. That is very comforting.

While I was in IL I did get a chance to see one of my brothers and my sister. I tried to see my dad and my other brother but things didn't work out. Again with the 'great expectations'. Gavin had a birthday. He is now 8.

My son got braces on on Oct. 11. It makes me sad because he is growing up way too fast for my liking. They all are. I have always heard people say that you need to "enjoy them while they are young, because it will pass in a blink of an eye". I always thought "they" were exaggerating. They.Weren't. So hug those babies (no matter how old your babies are) and enjoy every moment.