Nerves

after my other post Holy Moly you would think that my nerves would be used to being frazzled and not knowing what is next. But alas, not so much. Tomorrow I am going to start going to church for the first time in a long time. I haven't ever had a church "home". I had a couple churches that I have went to and really liked, one I really felt connected to, then I got divorced and went away from it I guess for fear that I would be shamed out of it and was in a really bad spot in my life.  So I have now went almost 6 years without going. Since Alana has been going quite frequently with her dad and grandma since we split up, I promised her once we got settled here that I would find a church and we would go so that she could still go and still do her Awana's program and she would still have that. She LOVES going to church. She loves the songs, the people, she loves God. period. Which is awesome. So I have to do what I can to help her along with that. But in doing that, I am also again stepping out of my comfort zone (big time) into the unknown for me.

When we went to Awanas on Wednesday, I talked to one of the pastors wife's. She was really nice and very inviting. I was very honest with her and I hope that pays off and doesn't come back to bite me in the butt. I have never really went to church with any regularity at all. My mom went until the day she got married, then never went back. I am not sure why but she didn't. She always said that they were going to leave it up to us to decide if/when/where we went but as Mrs. Pam (pastor's wife) said, that is like leaving it up to children to go to school or not.  I really don't want my kids to not feel comfortable going so we hopefully will find a good church home here and then if they disagree with what they are taught when they get older they can make the decision to not go or go somewhere different.  We are starting at a non denominational church. It is WAY out in the country but has a pretty good congregation from what I can tell. There are 3 sets of pastors. The head pastor and his wife, the associate pastor and his wife (Mrs. Pam) and the youth pastor and his wife. They have quite a few child oriented programs and they also have a few different Sunday schools plus the regular service. Everyone that I have met so far has been what I want. Friendly, inviting, non judgemental. I hope that this goes well tomorrow. I think I may leave Katie at home with Jeremy for my first couple times. I think that will help me get more comfortable. I hate feeling like my kids are misbehaving when in fact they are just being kids. I need to see how other people's kids act in church before I let mine into the mess lol.   I always feel so self conscious.

So taking my leap of faith (pun intended) and starting a church. I will let you know how it goes!